


How Are All 13 of Us Gonna Fit

by KingofPotet



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Crack, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memes, Swearing, Texting, Unexpectedly deep, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:09:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingofPotet/pseuds/KingofPotet
Summary: Changyuraptor: u gotta admit his choreographies are magicalKwon: THANKS CHANJuly: even tho his notes are probably satan-summoning circles in disguiseKwon: they are.July: what.Baby bear: what.Kwon: because they bring fire to the stage ;DOctopus: C A N C E L L E DBeanpole: tEAR HIS wIG TO ShRED SBeanpole: ERADICATE ITBaby bear: at least hes not a satanistFeel the vern: of course thats your concern hereKwon: i-i sweaw, im no cwiminal :,3c6 members have removed Kwon from the chatErrorReloading...13 members have been re-added to the chatKwon has been removed from the chatEmo fish: all that and you still had to be extra and remove him lmaoOctopus: im just shaking at the fact we somehow broke the chat----(In which SEVENTEEN are a bunch of college idiots texting through the daily struggles of life.)





	1. In Which They Add The Parents

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a de-stressing fic for me, so don't be surprised that the updates are so, uh, irregular...I will probably update more frequently at first, though--so look forward to that!
> 
> Anyway, this is a totally Original Idea that totally doesn't have like a billion other fics in this fandom already hahahahaha-  
> Cough  
> Well it's sorta custom for me at this point to do song suggestions in every fic, so here's number one: [What Is Love - Jaymes Young](https://youtu.be/6k8vocUshOQ)  
> Doesn't really go with the theme, but it's good so eh
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy this chaos!

Jackie chan: hey guys, we should add our parents!!! It'd be so fun

Kermit: umm no offense chan but thats a bad idea

Jackie chan: :(((

Soon: DUDE dont disrespect him like that

Kermit: i said no offense!!!!

Soon: if u said no homo to jun does that make u straight

Kermit:

Donkey: ooo get him babe

Soon: ;)

Woozy: tf

Donkey: but seriously, i think thats a great idea chan!!!

June: who r u, our parents

Donkey: im just being nice, geez

Kermit: “geez”

Soon: is that a threat, mingho

Kermit: why is soonyoung attacking me so much today

Soon: im just rlly protective ok  
Soon: wouldnt you protect jun

June: :D

Kermit: jun...  
Kermit: id sell you to satan for one corn chip

June: why am i dating this frog fucker again

Soon: OH SHIT

_Jackie chan has added Joshua, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan to the chat_

Kermit: welp might as well make the most of it

_Kermit has changed Seungcheol's name to Father_  
_Kermit has changed Jeonghan's name to Mom_  
_Kermit has changed Joshua's name to Dad_

Dad: why am I dad?

Kermit: bc youre the cooler one

Dad: aww thanks, haohao

Father: :,(

June: sorry but youre the typical lame dad

Father: You know what, that’s fine. At least I am responsible

Mom: like when you didnt take out the trash like you were SUPPOSED TO yesterday  
Mom: we all have chores, cheol. Do your part

Father: sorry. It wont happen again.

Soon: whipped

Donkey: just like the rest of us

Handsoap: true

Soon: woaaaah hansol where did u suddenly appear from  
Soon: H AN D S O AP

Handsoap: ITS A LONG STORY OK  
Handsoap: and i was working on something. I just checked my phone so

Jackie chan: i love stories!

Handsoap: ..  
Handsoap: ….  
Handsoap: …….  
Handsoap: ok so its not actually long, its just that seungkwan’s phone autocorrected my name to handsoap, so now here we are

Soon: how invigorating

Donkey: honey do you even know what that means

Soon: not really, it just sounded right

Woozy: ...this is why I am the one who writes.

Father: now now, kids. Rather than correcting each other’s grammar, how about we talk about our day?

Hitthekwan: SO THIS BITCH

June: ofc he only joins to vent

Hitthekwan: HAD THE A U D A C I T Y  
Hitthekwan: TO HIT ON MY BF  
Hitthekwan: WHILE I WAS SITTING ACROSS FROM HIM

Handsoap: cmon kwannie, we've been thru this  
Handsoap: she had a boyfriend already

Hitthekwan: so

Handsoap: alright guys im gonna go calm my bf down brb

Kermit: so...while that happens  
Kermit: https://youtu.be/_E3xrZUZCqU

Mingy: alright we GET IT youre the prodigy dance majors

Kermit: woah mingyu finally joining just to pour some salt

Father: josh, is that you with the guitar?

Dad: Hm?  
Dad: oh yeah, they asked me to play while they did that

Father: but like you can't even hear the guitar

Dad: ...huh.

June: we just wanted dad to do the wall sitting thing ok

Donkey: How’d he even get up there...

Dad: that’s alright, I was happy to play for you guys!

Soon: blessed by jisoos christ :,)

Jackie chan: thank you for playing for us! 

Dad: anytime, sweetie.

Kermit: look at all these innocents  
Kermit: makes me sick  
Kermit: but also makes me realize we’d be rotting without them  
Kermit: i mean we still are but after we die

Dad: aww don’t say that, haohao.

June: hes not wrong

Kermit: am i ever

June: no sweetheart ;)

Woozy: fucking disgusting.

Jackie chan: hey dad, can you help me with this english? Idk why my professor’s including this but I’m having trouble :(

Dad: Sure! Just tell me when you have time and I’ll see if I can help!

June: me too

Kermit: me three

Woozy: you guys don't even have anything that includes english

Kermit: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dad: a group study sounds fun! Is that ok, chan?

Jackie chan: I kind of wanted to study with just you…

June: fuck i guess we aint going minghao

Kermit: shit alright then

Jackie chan: yaaaay!!!!

Dad: If you want, i could still meet up with you guys and help?

Kermit: nah its fine. We didnt actually need it

Dad: oh, okay! I still think its cool if you guys want to learn :)

June: im cryindg

Kermit: me too

Soon: damn, making the troublemakers humble  
Soon: only jisoos christ, man

Father: why do we never get asked for help

Mom: josh is literally the best of us, sweetie,

Father: u rite u rite

_Kermit has changed Father’s name to Scoops_

Scoops: ...im shaking

Mom: you might wanna change that back before he uses his parent powers….

_Kermit has changed their name to No fear_

Scoops: Xu Minghao. Do not test me.

_No fear has changed their name to One fear_

_One fear has changed Scoops’s name to Father_

One fear: dad is still better than u

Father: i know, minghao. I know.

 

Wonu: https://youtu.be/7xepF5WzZeQ  
Wonu: THIS IS A GOOD BO P  
Wonu: I CANFOT BELIEB THAT OUR IDIOTS MADE THIS  
Wonu: except dad ofc

Mingy: ??? Are you ok?????

Wonu: ivb hade a drink adn i dunno whot preetuv im texting??

One fear: WHOT  
One fear: whot hath taken my gummies

Wonu: somefoby took ur gummies???????????????

One fear: a foby did, indeed, take them. Now only if i knew who the foby is…

Soon: HURRICANE OUT

One fear: I KNEW IT WAS YOU  
One fear: CATCH THESE MOTHAFUCKIN HANDS KWON

Mingy: anyway...wonwoo, where are you?

Wonu: im layig at the doort

Mingy: pls dont do this again, at least without telling me. I dont wanna keep carrying you  
Mingy: ur heavy as shit

Wonu: its bc m y heart swells for uo

Mingy: ;;;

Woozy: WHY ARE YOU ASSHOLES TEXTING AT 3 AM


	2. In Which a Bro Dies for Beans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING** for brief mention of alcoholism  
>  Also, none of their families are like that. This is purely fiction.
> 
> So here's the song suggestion: [The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos](https://youtu.be/n0PHwzwYXYQ)  
> I am p sure this is why i wrote that drama scene lmao
> 
> Two chapters in one day huh...im shaking  
> Enjoy!

Wonu: oh my god  
Wonu: I’m so sorry guys  
Wonu: sorry for waking you, hyung

Woozy: it’s fine

_Wonu has changed their name to Ashamed_

Ashamed: i am ashamed

Mingy: we can see that

Ashamed:  
Ashamed: yeah ok

One fear: why is wonwoo so depressed

Mingy: we were trying to get him off alcohol  
Mingy: i mean, he didnt really drink that much in the first place but alcoholism is like a thing in his family so  
Mingy: we were trying to prevent that

June: damn you guys are so responsible  
June: id probably still drink and minghao would encourage me

One fear: yes i want you to get alcohol poisoning it was my plan all along

June: well if its minghao then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_One fear has changed their name to Two fears_

Two fears: wait no

June: HE CARES IM-

Two fears: WAIT  
Two fears: WHY DID U THINK I WAS DATING U IF I DIDNT CARE DKFJRNDKFJF

Soon: well it looks like those two need to get things sorted out  
Soon: hey bro

Donkey: yes bro

Soon: wanna go on a date bro

Donkey: why dont u ask me in person bro  
Donkey: we are sitting next to each other

Soon: bro  
Soon: thats a good idea bro

Donkey: ik bro

Dad: you guys can't see him but jihoon is judging so hard right now

Woozy: i can tell them that myself, josh

Dad: not that u will

Woozy:

Hitthekwan: even jihoon cant deny jisoo’s dad power  
Hitthekwan: jisoo is actually the most powerful out of all 13 of us  
Hitthekwan: he could crush us with one pinky

Handsoap: not even a pinky  
Handsoap: he could crush us with the one atom from one molecule of one skin cell

Jackie chan: um are you guys ok,,

Hitthekwan: we’re just tired

Jackie chan: oh

Handsoap: and thinking about how self-will is fake

Jackie chan: ???  
Jackie chan: eomma

Mom: yes baby

Jackie chan: i think seungkwannie and vernonie need to be admitted to a mental hospital,,

Handsoap: no its ok chan  
Handsoap: when i have coffee ill be ok again

Hitthekwan: idek y we’re still texting like this

Father: you guys must overdose on caffeine everyday  
Father: please dont

Handsoap: nah we'd actually be dead rn

Hitthekwan: on that note, we’re gonna enjoy some coffee before classes start so bye

Father: alright see you guys

Mom: cheol...why are you texting  
Mom: ur class starts in like 5 mins….

Father: FRUNKIN  
Father: gotta dash  
Father: ttyl kids

Two fears: “frunkin”

Dad: oh you’re back  
Dad: you two work everything out?

Two fears: yeah i mean  
Two fears: there wasnt really anything to work out

Mom: josh, can you come do my make up  
Mom: i cant find my stuff

Dad: ?? Ok, I needed to do mine anyway. I’ll look around too, while I’m at it

Mom: thanks honey :*

Dad: <3

Mingy: did i hear  
Mingy: dad’s doing make up

Mom: ur gonna have to make a line cuz im first, child

Mingy: fine with me  
Mingy: i have night classes anyway  
Mingy: which, may i suggest, NEVER TAKE THEM

Ashamed: I can agree with that suggestion  
Ashamed: also im after mingyu

June: I CALL FOURTH

Two fears: FIFTH BITCH

Dad: omg  
Dad: i might not have enough time but i’ll try  
Dad: the rest of you wait in my dorm ok

Mingy: yessir

Ashamed: yessir

June: yessir

Two fears: yessir

Dad: haha

 

June: Thanks dad

_june has changed their name to Gorgeous_

Soon: i cant even deny it  
Soon: when i saw him around campus at first i thought he was a god

Two fears: dont encourage him  
Two fears: but u rite

Jackie chan: why is Jun laying on the floor

Two fears: he acts self-centered but he actually cant take a compliment

_Soon has changed Two fears’s name to Soft_

Soft: today is a day of truths

Jackie chan: um guys jun is doing this weird breathing thing  
Jackie chan: is he dying?????? ?? ???

Soft: hes fine just leave him

Jackie chan: but surely this is not normal??

Soft: jun is strange chan  
Soft: i thought you knew this

Jackie chan: ok I was just worried

Donkey: the goodest kid :,)

\---

Woozy: even I have to admit, jun and minghao’s show was very good  
Woozy: color me impressed

Past: aw thanks cutie :)

_Woozy has changed their name to Fuck you_

Fuck you: fuck you

Future: damn you dont gotta roast my bf like that

Past: so yeah we did great didnt we  
Past: do u think we dropped enough hints that we’re gay af

Mom: i think the kiss after stroking his cheek really did it  
Mom: i heard a lot of the girls make disapproving noises

Past: yes  
Past: they will finally stop asking me out  
Past: i am exclusive to the one and only minghao, bitchhhh

Future: damn loving this commitment 

Mingy: yknow, i always wondered why you were dating when you guys didnt look like you get along that well  
Mingy: now i know

Dad: great job you two!!!  
Dad: i love how you switched to chinese at some parts  
Dad: and how the lyrics meant different things in the two languages?? Such talent!  
Dad: I’m so proud of you guys :)

Soon: why are jun and minghao crying on the couch  
Soon: oh

Donkey: everytime joshua shows up in this chat somebody cries

Dad: i’m sorry???? I can leave if you want,

Donkey: NO THATS NOT WHAT I MENAT  
Donkey: its a good thing, trust me

Dad: ok then,,

Soon: nice save bro

Handsoap: o yeah didnt you two go on a date

Hitthekwan: spill the beans!!!

Donkey: we just got ice cream and played video games  
Donkey: Quality Date

Soon: M-MY BEANS

Donkey: :OOOOOOO  
Donkey: IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN  
Donkey: WHAT CAN I DO???

Hitthekwan: havent you already done enough  
Hitthekwan: here, soonyoung. We have a traitor amongst the gag trio…

Soon: NOT MY BRO  
Soon: I CANT HANDLE THIS BETRAYAL  
Soon: SEOKMIN...JUST TELL ME WHY  
Soon: PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND

Hitthekwan: HE SPILLED YOUR BEANS, THERE IS NO EXPLAINING TO BE DONE

Donkey: MY BRO  
Donkey: I-I SWEAR IM NO TRAITOR  
Donkey: if anything...seungkwan is the one who told us the spill the beans.  
Donkey: who is the real traitor here???? ?? ?? 

Soon: NO, IT CANT BE

Past: you guys are more dramatic than me

Mingy: this is too much drama

Wonu: no babe...let them continue

Future: dont interrupt, beanpole

_Future has changed Mingy’s name to Beanpole_

Beanpole: -_-  
Beanpole: what have i done to deserve this treatment

Father: cmon mingyu, it was getting good

_Beanpole has left the chat_

Soon: why...i cant even trust my closest bros anymore…  
Soon: a life of distrust is not a life worth living…  
Soon: my Brothers, i shall depart from this world  
Soon: in hope that we will rejoin again as friends in another, happier life; one in which we don't have to betray each other  
Soon: or spill any beans.

Hitthekwan: NOOOOOOO I WILL REPENT  
Hitthekwan: PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME, BROTHER

Donkey: BRO NO  
Donkey: WHO WILL GET ICE CREAM WITH ME  
Donkey: WHO WILL MAKE OUT WITH ME ON THE DAILY

Future: ew 

Father: shush

Soon: my bro...im sure you can find someone else. Please, be happy. *single tear* We will meet again, friends. We will meet again. 

Donkey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O OO OO OOOOOO O OO O OO

Hitthekwan: -End-

Fuck you: um 

Mom: WHY IS SEUNGCHEOL CRYING


	3. In Which They Discuss Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya goooo  
> That svt x nu'est - heaven performance was...beauty  
> In this case tho, it's just a thing joshua did for his music class  
> If you havent watched it then what are you still doing here reading this note
> 
> I also love how my bias has been starting out songs lately...yes, give my son love
> 
> Song rec: [Strung Back Around - Fog Lake](https://youtu.be/8urq_DKVJTY)  
> Anyway, enjoy!

Mom: did i see my josh putting his arms around another man???

Father: i mean

Mom: besides u gdi

Father: it was for a performance, im sure nothing actually happened, hannie. Hes not like that

Mom: i know…

Dad: you know theres probably gonna be more stuff like this in the performance industry? 

Mom: yeah sorry

Dad: its ok. Anyway, ill never leave you guys <3

Mom: <3

Father: <3  
Father : do you reeeaaalllly have to tho  
Father: ur time will be taken up by famousness :(((

Dad: aw thanks, but you dont know if i'll be famous

Mom: ummmmm ofc u will be  
Mom: ur too handsome, talented, beautiful, original, showstopping, brilliant, original-

Father: and more

Dad:  
Dad: i’m--

Past: ew parents being disgusting

Future: nasty

Mom: what, you want us to be arguing all the time and get a divorce

Past: i didn’t say that

Mom: then shut it

Future: and heres savage mom

Mom: just cuz im ok with it now doesnt mean im still not salty  
Mom: that arm should be around me…

Soon: i just got here and i didnt want to read that oh my god

Mom: ITS NOT EVEN THAT INAPPROPRIATE

Past: “that”

_Mom has left the chat_

Jackie chan: guys…

Soon: what, lil bro

Jackie chan: i hear mom venting and its terrible

Donkey: wym??

Jackie chan: its just  
Jackie chan: loud  
Jackie chan: and im trying to write here

Soon: wanna come over?  
Soon: seokmin is working so im lonely

Jackie chan: anything to get me outta there  
Jackie chan: plus i havent hung out w u for a while, so this will be fun!!

Soon:  
Soon: babe sorry but like my lil bro is gonna be around a lot for the rest of our lives  
Soon: I WILL GIVE U THE LOVE U NEED

Donkey: :(

Soon: its not like he’ll be here ALL the time

Donkey: :)

Soon: but a lot

Donkey: thats ok, i should spend time with all of u more anyway

Jackie chan: do i get a say in this,,

Soon: not really

Past: if you ever get tired of these weirdos, come hang out with junhui-ge, ok??

Jackie chan: no offense but all you do is flirt with minghao…  
Jackie chan: at least soonyoung and seokmin hold themselves back

 

Future: MY BF IS SLAIN

Soon: TAKE THAT AHAHAHAHA  
Soon: IM THE BEST HYUNG

Beanpole: its bc they've been together for like,,what

Donkey: 6 years

Beanpole: see what i fuckin mean  
Beanpole: so theyre not always all over each other

Past: when will we be like that

Future: probably never  
Future: i mean, those two weren't really all over each other from the start anyway  
Future: theyre chill…

Past: damn

Future: u dont like my kisses or something???

Past: I LOVE THEM WHY DO U THINK IM ALL OVER YOU

Soon: they a mess  
Soon: im glad we’re not like them, right bro

Donkey: yeah bro  
Donkey: <333

Wonu: eugh

Past: u guys cant talk ok ur all over each other too

Beanpole: ok but at least we dont have extreme pda  
Beanpole: and we’re extremely supportive

Wonu: u guys just insult each other and kiss tbh

Dad: hey jun, haohao...are you guys okay??  
Dad: do you need relationship help?

Past: sigh  
Past: nobody understands our chemistry  
Past: u guys and your disgusting harmony

Future: its like when people ship harry and draco  
Future: and lance and keith

Past: youre the keith to my lance <3

Future: fuck oyu im lance

Past: ummm no i flirt a lot

Future: ok but i am a meme

Past: ur the one with a super angsty backstory

Future: YOURE the one w a super angsty backstory bitch

Past: yours is angstier bitch

Future: that is subjective and ur opinion, not fact bitch

Past: bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh

Future: bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wonu: see what i mean  
Wonu: 10 bucks says theyre making out now

Mingyu: why are you right

Wonu: pay up

Mingyu: i didnt bet

Wonu: whoops

Past: ok ok whatever  
Past: let me demonstrate:  
Past: hey babe

Future: what

Past: if i brought home a dude and banged him would that be ok

Future: dont you do that like every other week

Beanpole: ???????

Fuck you: im just surprised its not more often

Beanpole: wait u mean,, that wasnt minghao

Future: im honestly offended i dont sound that terrible

Wonu: minghao, this doesnt concern you at all?

Past: nope! My haohao is asexual  
Past: and i am very much not so  
Past: so we agreed that i could do the do with other ppl as long as i dont actually pursue a relationship

Fuck you: “do the do”

Dad: this is what you call the diversity of love, kids  
Dad: there are so many different meanings, and this is their system  
Dad: a lot of people like to have their lover all to themselves, but it seems these two are more open  
Dad: which is good bc jun is...well….special

Past: awwwwww thanks hyung  
Past: ur the only one i can count on in this sad world  
Past: even with the last part

Dad: im just spreading the word :)

Beanpole: i thought we were liberal but it seems we have much to learn…

Fuck you: its because hes from america

Beanpole: that too


	4. In Which Santa Acquires the Social Security Numbers of Bad Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah, sorry i havent updated in a lil while! I made it longer to make up,,  
> I'll try to have another chapter out by christmas!
> 
> [B1A4 - Together](https://youtu.be/fwtA6ukPiL0)  
> A group yall are sleeping on
> 
>  **WARNING** for mention of homophobia  
>  Otherwise...  
> Enjoy!

Dad: hey guys  
Dad: um  
Dad: I adopted a dog

Mom: you w h a t

Dad: I’m sorry!!! He was starving and so thin looking i couldnt resist!!!!

Mom: honey you know we cant take care of one, right  
Mom: especially one with health problems

Hitthekwan: omg hyung

Future: pics or it didnt happen

Dad: _Sent image_

Past: IS THAT A H U S K Y  
Past: FEED THAT BOY

Dad: i am  
Dad: even if i have to unadopt it already, i can at least feed it something...

Soon: im zooming over there

Donkey: damn he really did zoom

_Donkey has changed Soon’s name to Hurricane_

Hurricane: OH MY GOFD- A GOOD DOGE  
Hurricane: I WANT TO GIVE HIM PETS EVERYDAY

_Hurricane has changed their name to Hoshicane_

Hoshicane: its christmas my dudes  
Hoshicane: anyway

Donkey: when u surpass ur own joke :’)

Hoshicane: ITS NOT A JOKE, ONE DAY I WILL ACTUALLY PRODUCE IT JKKAJDKSKA

Dad: woah whys everyone coming over just to pet the dog haha

Past: its a good dog

Future: it really is a good dog

Jackie chan: good dog…

Mom: even you, chan??

Donkey: good doge

Beanpole: good dog

Wonu: good dog

Fuck you: good dog

Hitthekwan: good dog

Handsoap: good dog

Father: good dog

Mom: SEUNGCHEOL

Father: I CANT DENY THE TRUTH

Mom: it seems everybody’s against me...sigh  
Mom: if all you guys wanna keep it so badly, ALL 12 OF U better pitch in to take care of it  
Mom: capiche?

Jackie chan: yaaaaaay!!

Past: yeeessssss ive always wanted a husky

Future: guys we have a predicament  
Future: one that might change the course of our lives depending on how civil we are abt this  
Future: .  
Future: what are we gonna name it

Wonu: what have you done

Jackie chan: Atlas

Past: fuck we cant argue w chan  
Past: gdi

Dad: atlas, huh? Its like it has the world in its eyes…

Past: nows not the time to get philosophical

Future: that went about 58 million times better than i was expecting

Hitthekwan: honestly same  
Hitthekwan: Chan is the hero we need  
Hitthekwan: but dont deserve

Jackie chan: and dont you forget that!!

Beanpole: y atlas tho?

Jackie chan: i just searched up husky names and thats the first one that came up  
Jackie chan: plus it sounds cool so

Past: i cant believe my dreams were crushed by a google search  
Past: well whatever at least weve got a husky

\---

Beanpole: Hey guys…  
Beanpole: im pregnant

Wonu: djlsksjakahfhvlsahfkfghaldfowfhwkdnvm,b

Past: HWAT

Handsoap: ??????????? ??????? ?? ???????? ?? ????? ? ?? ? ?????????

Jackie chan: uhhh wonwoo just fainted,,  
Jackie chan: why does this stuff always happen around me..?

Fuck you: thats biologically impossible, mingfuck

Beanpole: shhhhh dont tell them that

Past: so are you or not?????

Future: oh...babe…….

Hoshicane: hes not

Beanpole: i was trying to weed out the real idiots

Handsoap: i need to crawl in a hole and die

Hitthekwan: please dont

Past: harsh  
Past: im p sure i heard of it happening before

Fuck you: hm sounds fake but ok

Past: .  
Past: anyway doesnt this mean wonwoo is the biggest idiot??? He literally fainted

Beanpole: i mean i already knew that i was just trying to see who else  
Beanpole: a surprisingly small number

Past: fuck oyu  
Past: ill have u know i was one of the top students in high school  
Past: grade-wise

Jackie chan: what does that mean…

Future: he still got in trouble a lot even tho he was...smart  
Future: skipped class a lot

Past: all i got from that was minghao calling me smart ive ascended to heaven

Hoshicane: skipped class and still got high grades??? An unanticipated genius among us????? ?

Past: thats right hoes I was just trying to play my cards close  
Past: so i could get the jump on ya if need be

Fuck you: wow my brain is still processing this information  
Fuck you: jun? Smart? Am i in a different world??

Past: thats alternate dimension sweaty

Fuck you: i

Donkey: it was only just revealed that jun is smart and now all of a sudden he holds the power to roast jihoon

Past: i shouldve let this out earlier tbh  
Past: power feels good

Future: dont roast everyone jun

Dad: please dont roast everyone jun

Past: okay

Donkey: ^the ones with the real power^

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Past: jihoon  
Past: oh my god jihoon

Fuck you: what the shit do you want

Past: what do i get for minghao for christmas???? ???

Fuck you: ??? Tf you asking me

Past: idk you have the most dirt on ppl, i feel like youd know the most about them

Fuck you: youre his boyfriend tho…?  
Fuck you: anyway, do I get anything in return?

Past: ill finally buy u that pack gummies i stole  
Past: five of them

Fuck you: hmmmm

Past: ten

Fuck you: deal

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Wonu: jihoon…

Fuck you: what

Wonu: um, do you have any ideas for what i should get mingyu,,

Fuck you: for fucks sake, why me

Wonu: because you kind of creepily stalk everyone…?

Fuck you: 

Wonu: and youre the most talented brother ive ever had

Fuck you: ill let it slide

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Donkey: heeeeyyyyy 

Fuck you: not you too

Donkey: ?  
Donkey: anyway, i was wondering what i should get for soonyoung and i wanted some unbiased help  
Donkey: _Sent image_  
Donkey: _Sent image_  
Donkey: which one?

Fuck you: sigh

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Mom: jihoonie!!

Fuck you: read the name pal

Mom: was that a profanity  
Mom: i raised you better  
Mom: anyway i was wondering what to get josh and cheollie  
Mom: and thought my brilliant son might have some good ideas

Fuck you: not that i mind the compliments but why thefuck does everyone want my advice

Mom: wait seriously

Fuck you: yes and im god damn tired of it

Mom: HAH  
Mom: but seriously i need ur help

Fuck you: 

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Future: so

Fuck you: get him something with a pearl moon or whatever

Future: CAN YOU READ MY MIND VIA TEXT  
Future: SOME WEIRD SHERLOCK SHIT??  
Future: ARE YOU PSYCHIC  
Future: ARE YOU  
Future: ARE YOU  
Future: ARE YOU  
Future: ARE YOU  
Future: ARE YOU  
Future: ARE YOU

Fuck you: no but i have your social security number

Future: u rite u rite

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Handsoap: so

Fuck you: youre fucking lucky i like you so ill give you one (1) suggestion

Handsoap: k thanks  
Handsoap: btw screenshotted

Fuck you: i have more on you anyway

Handsoap: :’(

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Fuck you: i s2g soonyoung if you ask me to give you present suggestions 

Hoshicane: ? No but i was gonna ask when you might finish that song  
Hoshicane: thanks for the offer tho?

Fuck you: .  
Fuck you: i just want some sleep

\---

**New Chat (2)**

Jackie chan: what kind of things do you like?

Fuck you: um  
Fuck you: idk, mostly music?

Jackie chan: well, i already knew that lol

Fuck you: idfk, you wanna know my favorite color or some shit?

Jackie chan: sure! Tell me stuff like that

Fuck you: ...um  
Fuck you: ok...i like red and blue, cats, motorcycles, striped clothes... idk

Jackie chan: ok thanks!

Fuck you: why are you asking anyway

Jackie chan: no reason, thanks again hyung

_Jackie chan has left the chat._

Fuck you: oh  
Fuck you: O H

\---

_Fuck you’s name has been changed to Santa_

Santa: makes sense, with all that shit i did for you guys

Beanpole: what shit

Wonu: oh nothing

Beanpole: the fact u replied, and replied like that, makes u more suspicious

Wonu: fndkkvkfksmsmmf

Santa: not my problem  
Santa: anyway  
Santa: jun im here to collect

Past: yeah yeah whatever  
Past: come by my dorm after your class

Dad: why does it seem like everyone owes jihoon something…?

Santa: bc they do  
Santa: i mean, i could cash in favors from all of you anytime  
Santa: but i am merciful  
Santa: bow down to me

Mom: sorry but this is a democracy sweetie

Santa: who said

Mom: your mother

Santa: and if a have a certain drunk story about said mother…?

Mom: i raised you on my back and this is how you repay me

Dad: wait, drunk story??

Santa: all in due time, my friend….

Hoshicane: is it just me or does jihoon hyung seem a little  
Hoshicane: drunk on power today  
Hoshicane: also xmas names would be nice

_Donkey’s name has been changed to Christmas mule_

Christmas mule: nice

Hoshicane: any others?

Mom: wouldnt that be kind of hard to keep track of

Hoshicane: whatever do you mean?  
Hoshicane: anyway  
Hoshicane: babe  
Hoshicane: heard you were hangin out with chan yesterday

Christmas mule: s-soonyoung, its not what you think!!!

Hoshicane: i WoNT hESiTaTE bInTHc

Jackie chan: you both have been hanging out with me a lot tho..?

Father: its that time again, when they just say a bunch of memes  
Father: it happens periodically

Jackie chan: oh

Christmas mule: oh wow, a shooting star!

Hoshicane: bOI I am a cOMet not a star

Christmas: but youre my star, my hoshi <33333

Hoshicane: awwww <3333333333

Future: guys thats pretty gay

Hoshicane: *gays

Future: cant even argue with that

Past: leader, why are you not at the club room…

Hoshicane: OH FUKC

Christmas mule: and there he zooms, once again

Jackie chan: when will i have a normal family

Mom: when soonyoung gets to the dance club on time

Jackie chan: so never

Mom: sorry, child.  
Mom: but your hyung is handsome so you shouldn't be so down about me raising you…

Jackie chan: hm

Future: did chan just...roast jeonghan…  
Future: i am witnessing gods work

god: [finger guns emoji]

Future: thanks

_god has left the chat_

Santa: ????? what the fuck  
Santa: did someone break into our chat??

Future: idk but that was perfect if they did

Santa: but that means theyve been here the whole time  
Santa: watching  
Santa: waiting for the perfect moment to say smth????

Dad: shhh dont question the power of god…

Santa: get ur religion away from me and my keyboard

Dad: one day i will heal you sinners...One day

Past: guess that means never

Mom: josh, pls put ur bible away  
Mom: ill burn

Dad: no u wont  
Dad: ur dating me

Mom: oh but u do burn me  
Mom: your light burned my eyes the first time i saw you

Dad: ;;;

Santa: can i get through one day without you ppl showing your gross love

Future: Gays? In your chat? It’s more likely than you think. Click here now for a free PC check

Santa: shouldnt you be practicing

Future: soonyoung just got here so  
Future: peace

Santa: never, in this cursed life

Mom: thats awfully dark, jihoon. Do you need help? Are you ok? Are you going through your emo phase again?

Christmas mule: A G A I N-

Santa: Remember why i have this chat name, jeonghan…

Mom: ,,

Dad: ? You ok, sweetie?

Mom: jihoon’s a brilliant son, honestly

Santa: better

\---

Wonu: hey guys  
Wonu: nvm

Hoshicane: you cant just say that and expect us NOT to pester u  
Hoshicane: spill thy beans

Singing kwan: NOT AGAIN

Hoshicane: o right  
Hoshicane: dont spill thy beans  
Hoshicane: but do divulge thy concerns

Wonu: its really nothing  
Wonu: really not worth your time, honest

Singing kwan: HOLD uP  
Singing kwan: not worth our time??????? Excuse u?????  
Singing kwan: anything  
Singing kwan: and EVERYTHING  
Singing kwan: you say will always be worth our time, no matter how dumb it is.  
Singing kwan: do you not see these idiots?? They say dumb shit everyday

Hoshicane: oi

Singing kwan: and from the looks of it, it doesnt sound dumb. If it was, u prolly woulda just said it  
Singing kwan: so tell us  
Singing kwan: tell your brother whats up

Wonu: wow  
Wonu: thanks...thats probably the nicest thing ive heard from anyone besides mingyu

Christmas mule: Someone needing love??

Mom: and attention????

Dad: and unconditional support??????

Father: count on your family, wonwoo

Jackie chan: i may be the youngest, but im here too! Plus, im one of the better choices if you need a normal human being to talk to.

Future: damn  
Future: but srs, we’re all here for you  
Future: ik we’re not as close but we r still family

Christmas tree: why is my boyfriend crying????  
Christmas tree: oh my god i just scrolled up  
Christmas tree: you guys are so sweet wow i didnt expect that

Future: ummm dont expect it for yourself, tree

Christmas tree: when can i have an attack-free day

Wonu: guys...thank you so much  
Wonu: i dont mean to make this so heavy but...i kinda had a bad day  
Wonu: these assholes kept pushing me around in the halls all day calling me a gay nerd  
Wonu: which i am but  
Wonu: not the way they were saying it

Santa:  
Santa: what are their names

Wonu: please dont ruin them  
Wonu: i can handle it

Christmas tree: yeah, wonwoo, what are their names?

Wonu: im really fine

Christmas tree: ik you are, but i need their names babe

Past: damn smooth

Wonu: ,,  
Wonu: fine ill tell you in our chat

_Wonu has left the chat_

_Christmas tree has left the chat_

Future: fuckin whipped lmao

Past: when will we be like that :(

Future: its just lowkey

Past: good enough

_Wonu has entered the chat_

_Christmas tree has entered the chat_

Christmas tree: jihoon, i sent u the names

Santa: thanks

Wonu: omg  
Wonu: no he will find their social security numbers or smth  
Wonu: and rob them of their lives

Father: how does he even find those

Santa: thats for me to know and you to never find out  
Santa: now if youll excuse me, i have some coal to give to naughty children

_Santa has left the chat_

Singing kwan: normally thatd be rlly lame but jihoon saying it just gave me shivers

Handsoap: he is p scary


	5. In Which They Pay Respects to Jonghyun ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit of an interlude that I wrote in respect to recently-passed legend: Jonghyun.  
> I was never that into SHINEE, but i knew them and ive seen them and I know how amazing they are. Jonghyun will be missed.
> 
> [Replay - SHINEE](https://youtu.be/aw9jkQ1dVnU)
> 
> You did well, Jonghyun ♡

Father: you did well jonghyun.

Mom: thank you for everything

Dad: may you find rest wherever you are

Wonu: rip kim jonghyun

Woozi: rip, a legend and an amazing singer

Beanpole: #rosesforjonghyun

Future: #rosesforjonghyun

Past: #rosesforjonghyun

Donkey: may this legend find rest ♡

Singing kwan: and may he watch over his family and shawols ♡

Handsoap: you’ve done well, jonghyun

Jackie chan: i hope you’re happy wherever you are ♡

Father: hey, wheres soonyoung?

Donkey: he’s really shaken over jonghyun...he’s in my room rn  
Donkey: he's been playing all their songs on repeat for six hours...

Hoshicane: HE WILL BE THE FIRST ANGEL TO PLAY THE KAZOO  
Hoshicane: A LEGEND  
Hoshicane: RIP JONGHYUN

Donkey: now hes crying harder…

Dad: im coming over

Mom: me too

Beanpole: seokmin, whats ur dorm number again?

Donkey: omg guys

Past: we’re all abt to come over and hug the shit outta each other

Donkey: will 13 boys even fit in here?

Hoshicane: WELL THEYRE ABT TO

Dad: cheol just ran out in his pajamas

Mom: WE ARE TOO CMON

Dad: i guess im running out in my pjs too

Mom: PJS ARE MORE COMFY FOR HUGS ANYWAY

Dad: true  
Dad: praying for kim jonghyun.  
Dad: if any of you ever feel like your life’s not worth it, please talk to one of us. Or the teachers, or your family, anyone you trust. Even someone on the internet. Please. There is always someone who will miss you, even if you dont realize or see them.

Jackie chan: will do ♡

Donkey: you guys should bring food. This will be a long ride,,

Wonu: mingyu and i will pick up some stuff on the way

Hoshicane: thanks guys :,,,))))

Future: we’re sad too, so get ready for tear fest 2017

Hoshicane: love you guys <3333


	6. In Which They Get Jolly for the Holi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaaaappppyyyyyyyy holidays my dudes  
> Hope you're having a good time, but if you're not, I hope reading this will cheer you up :,)
> 
> [DEAN - D (Half Moon)[Onstage/Acoustic]](https://youtu.be/NE14c5mEUdU)
> 
> Also...heh. about that pt where my performance boys were getting hyped, i was listening to [You Too - Loco (ft. Cha Cha Malone)](https://youtu.be/1cDbBha1ViM) and got a bit emotional  
> *choking back svt feels*
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this cheesy chapter!

Ghost of xmas past: if youre sad about summer being over and school beginning

Ghost of xmas future: dont be  
Ghost of xmas future: cuz when summer ends,

Ghost of xmas past: christmas is only beginning

Santa: summer was over like four months ago the fuck

Father: you can never stop being sad about summer ending

Christmas mule: rtrtrtrt

Singing kwan: gays its christmas eve  
Singing kwan: you know what that means!!!

Handsoap: im going to cry

Christmas mule: aw dont be like that :(

Handsoap: you know v well i have a good reason to be like that.

Ghost of xmas future: shit bringing out the punctuation  
Ghost of xmas future: what happens  
Ghost of xmas future: i need to know what makes everyone tick

Ghost of xmas past: u

Ghost of xmas future: betrayal worse than the beans

Handsoap: every christmas eve and day….seungkwan, seokmin, and soonyoung……..all sing mariah carey...nonstop in my freaking dorm  
Handsoap: and im not kidding when i say nonstop  
Handsoap: these hoes r crazy  
Handsoap: someone in our neighboring dorms legit called the police when they didnt stop

Ghost of xmas future: too wild

Handsoap: its not like soonyoung or seokmin’s boyfriends can be annoyed and stop them bc they ARE each others bfs  
Handsoap: i cant take this anymore  
Handsoap: idk these...cretins

Dad: you can hang out here, if u like. Hannie’s cooking

Handsoap: hANNiEs CoOkINg  
Handsoap: USING THIS HANDSOAP TO GET READY TO EAT

Mom: you know we wont be eating it until tomorrow…?

Dad: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
Dad: kids always steal a bread or two before dinner

Mom: ok but if someone takes a bread, or two, there will be one or two people without a bread. Bc im not making enough for extras. I have ten kids to feed, including my two husbands, and that takes up enough food as it is

Father: husbands…

Mom: shit

Dad: ( ´ ▽ ` )

Hoshicane: am i witnessing  
Hoshicane: our parents’ engagement  
Hoshicane: what a good present

Wonu: theyre definitely old enough…  
Wonu: they just gotta get to america to get married

Christmas tree: isnt polygamy illegal

Wonu: oh

Mom: we’ll just be boyfriends forever, i guess. Thats fine tho, bc i dont care as long as im with you guys. Plus, theres no law keeping me from calling you guys my husbands anyway ;)

Dad: cheol is choking

Mom: at least we can get married if theres only two of us

Handsoap: josh is choking

Mom: damn  
Mom: fine  
Mom: ill get the water

Christmas mule: well that was eventful

Santa: they were basically already married anyway, i dont see how this changes anything,,

Ghost of xmas future: it doesnt

Jackie frost: i thought they /were/ married tho?

Christmas mule: anyway  
Christmas mule: what i wanna know is what happened to those bullies

Santa: idk if i should say this kind of thing in chat...the government could pull it up one day…..

Christmas mule: you know what, i dont wanna know

Wonu: im shook to my core

Singing kwan: r we not concerned abt hansol stealing our breads

Ghost of xmas past: hes your boyfriend

Singing kwan: and u know how exhausting it is to have a boyfriend

Ghost of xmas past: but i love my boyfriend!!

Ghost of xmas future: yeah seungkwan, wheres the love

Singing kwan: normally ud be jumping at the chance to roast jun  
Singing kwan: i chose the wrong chinese to say “its exhausting” to

Hoshicane: SPEAKING OF CHINESE  
Hoshicane: MY WIG HAS BEEN SNATCHED  
Hoshicane: Actually no  
Hoshicane: I SNATCHED A HOES WIG

Christmas tree: how does chinese connect to wig snatching…

Hoshicane: shut up, tree

_Christmas tree has left the chat_

Hoshicane: anyway, i was talking abt how ill DEFINITELY produce hurricane one day  
Hoshicane: AnD ThIS BITCH HAD THE A U D A C I T Y TO SAY ILL NEVER PRODUCE IT WHEN I CANT EVEN PRODUCE MY OWN MUSIC  
Hoshicane: *breathes in*  
Hoshicane: WHO DO U THINK IS THE PERFORMANCE CLUB’S LEADER  
Hoshicane: but anyway i was merciful and gave him a chance to apologize, but that ho ho hoe was too stubborn  
Hoshicane: so i kicked him out from the club and said “have a Merry not dancing in the Christmas production, thot” and closed the door on him  
Hoshicane: AND HE LOOKED SO SHOOK  
Hoshicane: AND TO MAKE IT BETTER MY TRUE BOIS IN THE PERFORMANCE CLUB YELLED “BEGONE THOT” AT HIM THRU THE WINDOW TILL HE RAN

Ghost of xmas past: thats meeeeee

Jackie frost: me 2

Ghost of xmas future: me 3 bitches

Hoshicane: im proud of my dance brothers :,)  
Hoshicane: thot shoulda known he couldnt mix with the original four

Santa: i approve this message. sometimes its more rewarding to yell “begone thot” than to steal social security numbers

Christmas mule: i like how soonyoung said “ho ho hoe”

Ghost of xmas future: u like everything he says

Christmas mule: im an honest boy, so im not gonna lie, Its true

\---

Ghost of xmas past: Hey

Ghost of xmas future: guys

Ghost of xmas past: are

Ghost of xmas future: you

Ghost of xmas past: ready

Ghost of xmas future: for

Ghost of xmas past: CHRISTMASSSS

Ghost of xmas future: YEET

Santa: Wtf r u naughty kids doing up at 12 am u should be asleep, santas not gonna bring ur presents bitch

Ghost of xmas past: ok but ur up too jihoon

Jackie frost: if you all dont go the fuck to sleep ill destroy ALL your fucking presents before you even get to them

Ghost of xmas future: NDKDKNSJDJFJSKSJJSNFNFJVMXMMCKDKDL  
Ghost of xmas future: HOLY SHIT  
Ghost of xmas future: CHAN  
Ghost of xmas future: WHERED THE MAKNAE GO

Jackie frost: im an adult too, assholes  
Jackie frost: maybe dont wake me up by spamming the chat in the middle of my peaceful sleep

Hoshicane: bless all the wigs he snatched.  
Hoshicane: jackie frost is bringing the frostbite to this chat my dudes  
Hoshicane: but srsly we rlly are trying to sleep

Ghost of xmas past: better hide the presents somewhere else besides the dance room holy shit  
Ghost of xmas past: protecc the presents

Jackie frost: idc as long as you stop texting, jesus  
Jackie frost: https://youtu.be/Udj-o2m39NA  
Jackie frost: the lights are hung and the dance club tree shines bright,  
Jackie frost: lee chan tries to rest with all his might.  
Jackie frost: i dont give a rats ASS if a jolly holiday begins tonight,  
Jackie frost: go THE FUCK to sleep!

_Jackie frost has left the chat_

Santa: that was producer quality  
Santa: i think ik who to scout next year

Hoshicane: *softly* holy shit  
Hoshicane: thats my little bro. Im so proud

Ghost of xmas future: ill never be the same again  
Ghost of xmas future: my weave has been taken and that shit’s never comin back

Ghost of xmas past: same, babe. Same.

\---

Jackie frost: sorry, i didnt mean to be so rude last night :(  
Jackie frost: but merry christmas guys!!!!

Ghost of xmas past: hes back :,,,))))))))

Ghost of xmas future: thank jisoos.

Dad: ?

Ghost of xmas future: nothing

Dad: anyway, you guys should come see atlas!  
Dad: i got him a little tree costume and he looks soooo cute

Christmas mule: when will i have a nice sleepy morning without soonyoung zooming out of my arms

Hoshicane: WHEN THE DOG STOPS BEING SO CUTE  
Hoshicane: LOOK AT HIM  
Hoshicane: _Sent image_

Christmas mule: OK THATS A GOOD POFF

Singing kwan: VERNONIE LETS GO GIVE THAT DOG PATS

Handsoap: IM ALREADY GOING

Jackie frost: guys we gotta practice at the club soon  
Jackie frost: please hurry w the dog

Hoshicane: awww cmon we've been practicing nearly everyday  
Hoshicane: plus, this is a good doge

Jackie frost: ok...but come soon anyway  
Jackie frost: we also gotta get everyones presents in there!

Dad: if you want, i could bring atlas to the clubroom and everyone can come with their presents so we can put them under the tree?

Jackie frost: sounds good to me!

 

Santa: in hindsight, we shouldve known 156 presents weren't going to fit under a small tree

Mom: well, putting them all in a corner with the tree next to it is as good as we’re gonna get

Ghost of xmas past: should we have sorted them out instead of making a pile like that?

Mom: did you guys label them???????

Ghost of xmas future: i  
Ghost of xmas future: dont know

Mom: fuck.

\---

**The Cool Ones (4)**

Hoshicane: AAhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so exciteddd  
Hoshicane: are you guys ready to set the stage on fire???

Ghost of xmas past: idk, im p nervous

Jackie frost: me too

Ghost of xmas future: kinda, it is a pretty long performance

Hoshicane: cmon, we gotta show the team what they’re missing out on! I heard some people from big entertainment agencies will be there too, even though theyre looking at the team theyll see us too! This is our chance!!

Jackie chan: youre right  
Jackie chan: and we ARE better than the team, we just have a different style than them

Hoshicane: yeah! They just want robots with no individual talent and charm  
Hoshicane: im actually glad we didnt get to join, because we’re doing a way better job in our club  
Hoshicane: and i get to make my own choreographies yeet

Ghost of xmas future: all their dances are the same anyway, ours have improved so much and surpassed theirs  
Ghost of xmas future: right babe?

Ghost of xmas past: yep, those thots can suck ASS when they see us talking to those entertainment ppl  
Ghost of xmas past: imagine their nonexistent wigs

Hoshicane: IM CACKLING   
Hoshicane: plus, we gotta make our family proud! Those 9 will be out there cheering us on, so lets meet their expectations  
Hoshicane: GO TEAM

Ghost of xmas future: GO TEAM

Ghost of xmas past: GO TEAMMMMM

Jackie frost: GO TEAM!!

\---

After their performance, the four boys were drenched with sweat and their chests labored with heaving breaths, but they could barely feel it. They saw, up on that stage, the people cheering them on. The cameras meant for the school’s team followed them too. They saw the people from agencies looking at them, _watching_ their hard work, and they knew all that practice and all those late nights paid off. This was their debut into the world, and they were ready to own it.

Even with their aching legs, the excited boys laughed and jumped around in a circle with arms around each other’s shoulders after they met some of the agency people. This was the start. Actually--no.

It had started years ago, with four high school boys in a house basement.

\---

Mom: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH IM CRYING  
Mom: YOU GUYS WERE SO GOOD UP THERE  
Mom: IM SO PROUD OF YOU  
Mom: MY TALENTED BOYS

Christmas tree: literally all 9 of us are crying  
Christmas tree: its really disgusting  
Christmas tree: dont think we cant see those tears, jihoon

Santa: FUNJ YOU

Singing kwan: SOONYOUNG COME COLLECT UR MAN  
Singing kwan: HE WONT STOP WAILING  
Singing kwan: I SWEAR HES ON THE VERGE OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Hoshicane: BABE IM COMIGN  
Hoshicane: ILL GIVE U 80 MILLION KISSES  
Hoshicane: THO THEYRE SWEATY

Christmas mule: I DNOT CAR3 JSUT GIVNE ME A HUG AKKDKFKS

Jackie frost: i was rlly confused y hyung just ran out suddenly but now i know

Ghost of xmas future: lol u better be thankful mule, we’re all shaking so hard and soonyoung hyung danced the hardest out of all of us

Christmas mule: NOWB IM CHRYINGN HARDEFR

Jackie frost: hey, its time to open our presents  
Jackie frost: that'll probably cheer u guys up

Mom: oh no, we are happy, just very emotional :,)

Jackie frost: well then, itll dry your tears  
Jackie frost: lets go!

Ghost of xmas future: hold on man  
Ghost of xmas future: i dont think i can get up from this chair

Ghost of xmas past: same

Jackie frost: maybe if u got jun off of you, u would be able to stand

Ghost of xmas future: nah hes where he belongs

Santa: thats digusting

Ghost of xmas future: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

\---

Father: ah the kids are finally asleep

Mom: this was a good day

Dad: why are we texting when we’re next to each other

Mom: [eyes emoji]

Dad: good point

Hoshicane: whaddup parents  
Hoshicane: its like 2am

Mom: your point?

Hoshicane: nothing just pointing out the time :)

Mom:

Father: alright then

Ghost of xmas past: hey ppl

Mom: youre up too?  
Mom: anyway we’re all camped out in the dance room why dont i see your light?

Hoshicane: everyone has their secrets…

Dad: o_o

Ghost of xmas past: hao is a p good shield, even with his noodle self  
Ghost of xmas past: he always roasts me, but when hes asleep on me like this hes so cute (●´ω｀●)  
Ghost of xmas past: a rare sight that only comes during the night <333

Hoshicane: well ur in a v good mood for ass-crack o’clock

Ghost of xmas past: arent you?  
Ghost of xmas past: we did well at the christmas production and got all these presents…  
Ghost of xmas past: good day man

Hoshicane: ur right  
Hoshicane: im in a good mood too  
Hoshicane: just,, tired good mood

Mom: well you kids better go to sleep before your mood goes away  
Mom: good rest + good mood = rare treat

Hoshicane: ew i didnt join this group for math

Mom: close :) your :) fucking :) eyes :)

_Hoshicane has left the chat_   
_Ghost of xmas past has left the chat_

Dad: i still dont understand how u do it

Mom: its natural mother powers

Dad: so glad youre my husbands <3

Father: <333

Mom: <3333333

Jackie frost: …

Mom: we better sleep too

Father: zooming to sleep


	7. In Which Joshua Passes Out from the Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's alil short, but thats cuz i wanted to get it out on joshua's birthdayyyy  
> Also sorry if its not,, up to par(?) with the other chapters. I wasnt feeling that funny lol
> 
> [SURAN - 1+1=0 (ft. DEAN)](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)
> 
> My bias is beautiful and i am living

Beanpole: i need “i got fancy lip and hip” on a shirt or smth  
Beanpole: hyuna is my mom

Mom: ????????  
Mom: actually no i relate

Beanpole: i remember, once upon a time, during the dark days when i didnt know about her  
Beanpole: and then 365 fresh came out and i saw hyuna

July: noob  
July: but understandable i guess

Beanpole: .  
Beanpole: and i wondered if i was somehow still straight  
Beanpole: then i looked over at my boyfriend and remembered

Emo fish: aww thanks

Beanpole: <3

Jiwho: when will i be set free from these hopeless vermin

Octopus: never, we’ll even burn in hell with u

Jiwho: suddenly i believe in jesus

Baby bear: i heard somebody wants to learn the word of the bible???

Jiwho: what have i done

Papa bear: its not that bad  
Papa bear: josh made us go to church one time, all u gotta do is sit there and pretend to be awake

Baby bear: ?????????? ???

Papa bear: shit

Mama bear: im not getting you outta this one  
Mama bear: even i managed to listen

Papa bear: pour salt on the wound will ya???

July: _[saltbae.png]_

Papa bear: thanks for all the help guys

July: gotchu fam

Papa bear:  
Papa bear: i dont have a son

July: >>::::,,,OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Octopus: damn

Papa bear: im sorry i cant do this ur still my son

July: ::DDDDD

Papa bear: im just disappointed

July: DDDDD::

Kwon: i saw josh while i was walking lol  
Kwon: he looked maaaad  
Kwon: or maybe it was sad idk  
Kwon: its hard to tell with josh, his face is usually v gentle even when hes mad or sad

Papa bear: ur not helping :(((((

Kwon: lol

_Papa bear has left the chat_

Kwon: so anyway  
Kwon: heard u were doin a collab w my bf, seungkwan

Kwan: i am

Kwon: nice

Seok :D : its gonna be The Best

Kwon: ur voice is already The Best so w/ seungkwans voice its probably gonna be The Greatest

Kwan: how is that different

Kwon: its longer

Kwan: touché

Feel the vern: ur names r confusing as hell  
Feel the vern: while reading i thought i was reading soonyoung’s texts but they were seungkwan's and vice-versa  
Feel the vern: pls change them and give me mercy

Kwon: nah

Feel the vern: im sure seokmin feels left out  
Feel the vern: he doesnt have a kw_n name like u guys

Kwon: thats why hes seok, rite??? Its just a funny abbreviation  
Kwon: hes still in the gag trio  
Kwon: rite bro????

Seok :D : yee

Kwon: see hansol  
Kwon: get snatched

Feel the vern: hmmm idk that “yee” was a little less enthusiastic than normal…

Kwon: BRO IF U NEED ME TO CHANGE MY NAME I WILL  
Kwon: ID DO ANYTHING FOR U BRO

Seok :D : u mean that bro???

Kwon: ye bro  
Kwon: ur my one and only, bro  
Kwon: the hurri to my cane  
Kwon: two dots in a colon  
Kwon: without one, its just a period  
Kwon: and thats just too serious  
Kwon: or its a weird floating dot  
Kwon: but anyway, without both dots its meaning is lost

July: never heard that one before

Seok :D : wow hoshi  
Seok :D : in that case, i dont care abt the names   
Seok :D : bc compared to our love bro  
Seok :D : a name is nothing

Kwon: BRO  
Kwon: I LOVE YOU BRO

Seok :D : I LOVE YOU TOO

Jiwho: this is too gay for me im out

_Jiwho has left the chat_

Kwon: one day jihoon will find the love of his life and he’ll stop being so salty

Seok :D : actually i imagine hed be salty to everyone but that person

Kwon: hmm i c it

Kwan: i just realized, why is dad “baby bear”  
Kwan: wouldnt he be like, dad bear or smth

Mama bear: well that wouldnt fit with the theme so we named him baby bear bc hes the youngest of the 3 of us

Kwon: daddy kink confirmed..????

Mama bear: you :) better :) rethink :) what :) you :) just :) said :) before :) you :) have :) to :) buy :) yourself :) dinner :)))))

Kwon: shit my college broke ass cant handle that  
Kwon: lol kinks? What are those???

Mama bear: better :)

\---

Mama bear: its  
Mama bear: my   
Mama bear: baby’s  
Mama bear: birthday!!!!!!!!!!!  
Mama bear: congratulate my mans

Papa bear: happy birthday, josh. I love you <333333

July: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

Kwon: HAPPY BIRTHDAY COOL DAD

Kwan: IMMA SING FOR YOU WHEN U GET IN UR DORM  
Kwan: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR AN HOUR

Baby bear: omg

Beanpole: happyyyyyyyyy

Emo fish: birthdaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Feel the vern: tooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOooooooo

Seok :D : *in high note*  
Seok :D : yOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UU U UU U U UUUUUU U U

Changyuraptor: happy birthdaayayayayyayayayayyayayayayyayyyyy :DDDDD

Octopus: u already know what i posted on insta ;)

Baby bear: and i wish youd take it down….its really embarrassing…….  
Baby bear: but thanks guys, i really appreciate it!! :)  
Baby bear: im so touched that youd do all this omg

Mama bear: we havent even done anything yet   
Mama bear: we have much more in store ;;)))))))

Octopus: i cant believe youre touched by this smh  
Octopus: we’re always Extra on e v e r y o n e ‘ s birthdays  
Octopus: youre no exception boi

Baby bear: i should probably be worried but im honestly just happy rn :,)

Papa bear: well u should be bc this is ur day <3

Baby bear: /////

 

Baby bear: im still shaking 

Papa bear: im sorry still :((( i didnt know ud actually pass out

Baby bear: me neither  
Baby bear: but ik you were just trying to surprise me haha;;  
Baby bear: thank you guys for the party :) 

July: welp i guess next time we’ll not surprise you??  
July: i really thought u died

Kwon: your “smart” ass thought he died

July: i was panicking ok  
July: plus idk if they get heart attacks from their old age

Baby bear: lol hannie’s comin for u jun

July: shit time to move to the zombie apocalypse bunker

Mama bear: why would u tell him that i was abt to get away with murder

Baby bear: one, u wouldnt get away w it  
Baby bear: two, i wanted u to stop so ud come back and chill with me and cheol :(

Changyuraptor: annnd i just saw him run back

Baby bear: :D


	8. In Which Someone is Arrested

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aghhh im sorry its been a while! I havent updated since last year, pssh... (strangles self for the old joke)  
> Anyway, for those of you keeping up, thank you! Im glad for all the positive feedback!
> 
> Man, this got more emo than i expected for a comedy-based fic  
> Then again i cant do anything without making it a little sad
> 
> [Sober - Childish Gambino](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jx96Twg-Aew) is a bop
> 
> Enjoy!!

Emo fish: i  
Emo fish: am  
Emo fish: dying  
Emo fish: ehhhehhehehehheehehhehehehehee

Kwan: yes hello is this the police id like to report a maniac in my good christian household

Baby bear: so youre finally accepting it?????

Kwan: *my good household of sin

Baby bear: :(

Octopus: so like, whys wonwoo dying

Emo fish: exams

Octopus: u rite

July: whos not dying from exams?

Octopus: me because im already dead inside

Emo fish: my title is being threatened

Octopus: im the superior ocean animal rescind your fake-ass title

Kwon: i sense a complicated word im out

_Kwon has left the chat_

Beanpole: he-

_Kwon has been added to the chat_

Kwan: youre literally in college, dumbass

Kwon: ok but i just dance so

July: how are you still here

Kwon: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Changyuraptor: u gotta admit his choreographies are magical

Kwon: THANKS CHAN

July: even tho his notes are probably satan-summoning circles in disguise

Kwon: they are.

July: what.

Baby bear: what.

Kwon: because they bring fire to the stage ;D

Octopus: C A N C E L L E D

Beanpole: tEAR HIS wIG TO ShRED S  
Beanpole: ERADICATE IT

Baby bear: at least hes not a satanist

Feel the vern: of course thats your concern here

Kwon: i-i sweaw, im no cwiminal :,3c

_6 members have removed Kwon from the chat_   
_Error_   
_Reloading..._

_13 members have been re-added to the chat_

_Kwon has been removed from the chat_

Emo fish: all that and you still had to be extra and remove him lmao

Octopus: im just shaking at the fact we somehow broke the chat  
Octopus: steaking in my quakes  
Octopus: im putting this away for future use

Beanpole: why and how are u gonna use that in the future

Octopus: no idea  
Octopus: i just like to gather whatever little power i can find in this backwards world  
Octopus: where humans rule over themselves

July: deep

Seok :D : hey guys!  
Seok :D : whats this about deep

July: well [eye emoji]

_Kwon has added Kwon to the chat_

Kwon: IF YOU DARE

Octopus: FUCJK THE HWAT

Jiwho: THE HELL  
Jiwho: SOONYOUNG HOW THE SHIT-

Kwon: dont underestimate the power of love  
Kwon: and my need to protect my bf from these vermin

Octopus: interesting. So youre saying, that with enough love, i can break into the chat

Kwon: ;)

Octopus: so jun, what was that about a date before

Jiwho: the lack of brains in this group is almost bad enough to be impressive

\---

Changyuraptor: help  
Changyuraptor: i was forced to go with soonyoung and seokmin on an “outing”

Mama bear: are they excluding you???

Changyuraptor: no theyre not  
Changyuraptor: not At All  
Changyuraptor: THATS the problem

Mama bear: what…

Changyuraptor: these two are giving me a headache  
Changyuraptor: send help  
Changyuraptor: please, hyungs,

July: sorry sweaty but that means wed have to sacrifice ourselves  
July: and be subject to their headache-inducing ways

Changyuraptor: im dying…

Mama bear: Kwon Soonyoung  
Mama bear: Lee Seokmin  
Mama bear: stop making chan have a headache

Kwon: yessir

Seok :D : yessir

Changyuraptor: oh my god thank you, i can be at peace  
Changyuraptor: the tweedles finally stopped chanting 

Baby bear: chanting…

Changyuraptor: you dont wanna know

Beanpole: so anyway Jeon Wonwoo

Octopus: so many full names today

Emo fish: please

Beanpole: ill tell them

Emo fish: no i beg of you  
Emo fish: dont  
Emo fish: ill do whatever you want

Beanpole: you do that anyway

Kwan: o h m y g o d

Emo fish: fkfjskaldmfkrmsmkdld

Feel the vern: i smell exposure where is it, where is the cookout

Kwan: C O O K O U T- IM CHOKING

Beanpole: its right here hunty 

Emo fish: please, im sorry…..no……….

Beanpole: too late  
Beanpole: you deserve this

Kwon: please? Spill this dirt????

Beanpole: yesterday, wonwoqhshdqemkskwkjfjskal

Kwon: um

Beanpole: hejemdmf,,dlslsksm,mamsmfl  
Beanpole: ohm my godkndmhfjenememvfkl  
Beanpole: WOONOWOSF TRYINR TO TAKE MY PHODE   
Beanpole: HE GOTNN ARESSTDE FOR TRHHTING TO STEALR A DOG

Mama bear: he  
Mama bear: he what

Emo fish: listen, its not what it sounds like

Mama bear: no Wonwoo, im pretty sure its exactly how it sounds.

Octopus: ouch, punctuation

Emo fish: NO LET ME EXPLAIN-

Mama bear: this is gonna be on your fucking record, Jeon.  
Mama bear: what the hell happened

Emo fish: ok  
Emo fish: so before you disown me i gotta explain, please

Mama bear: wonwoo  
Mama bear: i wont ever disown you… just...why  
Mama bear: for a dog

Emo fish: i know u know i love dogs, like most of us  
Emo fish: but i swear i didnt mean to  
Emo fish: i saw this dog, it was starving, like atlas was at first…

Papa bear: :((((((

Emo fish: and so i thought it was a stray or something, and picked it up

Beanpole: it had a collar

Emo fish: shhhhhhhhhhh  
Emo fish: anyway, i didnt really notice it cuz i was worried about its health  
Emo fish: and this asshole  
Emo fish: your haughty, upturned-nose stereotypical asshole  
Emo fish: said he was gonna sue me for trying to steal his dog  
Emo fish: and called the fucking police on me

Mama bear: what the fuck.

Emo fish: i know. Like i wasnt broke already and trying to support my boyfriend on top of it

Beanpole: wonwoo…  
Beanpole: im sorry, i shouldve had more faith.  
Beanpole: and im sorry that im basically freeloading...

Emo fish: its ok, its not your fault at all. I shouldve known better than to take some dog without checking whether it has a tag or not. And weve talked about the “freeloading” thing, youre really not, ok?

Feel the vern: shit this is getting deep

Kwan: what else are families for

Beanpole: :,)

Emo fish: anyway, its really obvious that this guy abuses his dog, and nobody fucking takes notice bc theyre all busy trying to figure out the best way to make money  
Emo fish: thankfully, i kind of told him i could get people on his ass to find out if he abuses his dog, and i was wearing a suit that day so he seemed convinced  
Emo fish: and he didnt press charges, and even said it was a misunderstanding  
Emo fish: guess hes really self-conscious about the fact he abuses his dog

Beanpole: god...i didnt know all this happened and just assumed the worst when i heard you got arrested. I really shouldve been there for you. I wont do that again

Emo fish: its ok, i understand. But thank you <3

Beanpole: <3

Baby bear: cheol is crying again

Octopus: this was fucking wild

Kwon: what ive learned from this is  
Kwon: appearance really does make everything  
Kwon: guess whos giving up sweatpants, reluctantly

Kwan: we all know thats not gonna last

Kwon: u rite

Mama bear: did you know his name???

Emo fish: nah, i dont remember  
Emo fish: an asshole like that isnt worth remembering anyway

Baby bear: hes grown so mature :,)

Jiwho: but like...i really wanna know his info…

Emo fish: please, i dont need you to take out every enemy that crosses me

Beanpole: but like, itd be great if he could

Emo fish: i have you guys and thats enough for me <3

Mama bear: <3  
Mama bear: im so proud of you these tears are zooming

_Emo fish’s name has been changed to Ex-convict_

Ex-convict: ...

Kwon: what, too soon

_5 members have removed Kwon from the chat_   
_Error_   
_Reloading…_


	9. In Which Eight of Them Go On Dates (a.k.a. Jeonghan [Totally Doesn't] hates Valentines)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy valentines (or unhappy if youre like me)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter whether or not you're having a good time today :,)
> 
>  
> 
> [Ultimately - khai dreams](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o-RCiBWmBBc) is very relaxing, and i recommend if youre in a chill mood 
> 
> ALSO i figured i should say this now, but i think i'll be ending this sooner than i thought  
> Not that im doing it _now_ , but in the near future. I actually have other fics planned, and i dont want to accidentally abandon this, so i hope i can end it well!
> 
> Happy reading!

Papa bear: IM SOBBING IVE GOTTEN THROUGH 3 ALBUMS ON HARD MODE THIS IS A MIRACLE

Kwon: youre playing too?????  
Kwon: AND WTF HOW

Emo fish: i can barely do save me on hard how-

Papa bear: i dont know but ive never been so blessed in my life

Mama bear: ????

Papa bear: im sorry but its true

Mama bear: you know what, i can understand  
Mama bear: i can barely play on normal

July: PFF noob

Mama bear: excuse you

July: thanks

Mama bear: i

July: ive already gotten 3 stars on hard mode songs 

Octopus: he played the other superstar games dont mind him

July: cmoooonnnnn this is the one time i can brag and theyll be in pain

Octopus: maybe if you taught me your magical ways i would be more….lenient

July: alright sbts lessons at 6pm sharp, dont be late hunty

Octopus: yessir

July: call me that more ;)

Octopus: fuck you

July: well if u insist-

Octopus: HELP ME IM BURNING  
Octopus: I DONT NEED THIS IN MY LIFE  
Octopus: no wait, dont help ill just POUR GASOLINE ON THE FIRE i want to die

July: aw i was kidding babe :(  
July: how am i gonna marry charcoal  
July: FUCK FUCK FUCK HOW DO YOU DELETE TEXTS

Kwon: oh my god

Octopus: im  
Octopus: you what

_July’s name has been changed to Groom_

_Octopus’s name has been changed to Bride_

Kwan: can i be the flower boy

Bride: aw hell why am i the bride

Changyuraptor: are we just gonna ignore-  
Changyuraptor: oh my god jun is on the floor again

Bride: perpetual sigghhhhhhhh

Emo fish: me 2

Bride: ill go get my idiot boyfriend

Kwon: …  
Kwon: sbts makes magical things happen

\---

July: skkkkkidaddle skidoodle  
July: my dick is now a  
July: crying mess because wtf how can a mans be so good at singing im going to jump off a cliff into 58 billion crabs because fuck. Wtf. This boy is hella good and if i dont see him on the Charts someones going to get murdered seven times

Changyuraptor: um

Beanpole: what just happened-

Feel the vern: i mean, i can relate but idk who youre talking about

July: SAM  
July: MY BOI TSUI  
July: his music video for Trust came out and im Living and I Need him to get more Famous and i am Resorting to using too many Capitals  
July: and second to midnight??  
July: boi thats my bop. Too Good.

Kwan: DID I HEAR MY MANS SAM TSUI

Feel the vern: i thought i was ur mans :(

Kwan: sorry sweaty but nobody comes before sam

Feel the vern: hello darkness my old friend

July: get your crusty memes away from me  
July: anyway, i now know i can trust at least one person in this unholy group

Kwan: tick

July: tock

Kwan: youve only got a seCOND TO

July: MIDNIGHT

Kwan: (to midnight)

July: *MOAN FROM HELL* AAAAAHHHHH

Octopus: hwat the fuck

Kwan: its just that good

Feel the vern: i just had to suffer through seungkwan screaming those lyrics in my ear

Jiwho: what the hell did i just read  
Jiwho: this is why im never in this chat  
Jiwho: im leaving permanently goodbye

_Jiwho has left the chat_

_Jiwho has been added to the chat_

Kwan: when you signed into this friendship it meant u gotta participate in the chat

Jiwho: how to murder all twelve of my “friends”  
Jiwho: wait this isnt google

July: shit

Kwan: ABORT

July: FUCKING ABORT

Kwan: wanna watch sam tsui videos? i got popcorn

July: hell yeah

_Kwan has left the chat_

_July has left the chat_

Jiwho: for once i have been blessed. Jun is gone. Peace. Thank you god. Going to donate to charities. I have an appointment for a meeting building an orphanage. Thank you.

Octopus: i relate

\---

Mama bear: oof

Jiwho: what

Mama bear: its valentines day

Jiwho: oof

Papa bear: oof

Baby bear: ?? Whats wrong with valentines

Mama bear: it raises unrealistic expectations

Baby bear: but you already meet all my expectations!

Mama bear: ...continue……

Baby bear: you’re jeonghan!

Mama bear: IVE BEEN SHOT  
Mama bear: stop it  
Mama bear: (keep complimenting me)

Kwon: reeeeaaaallll subtle

Mama bear: exactly, i put parentheses

Papa bear: wait but im not jeonghan  
Papa bear: how can i possibly meet your expectations

Baby bear: oh but...i dont have any expectations for you  
Baby bear: ill love you no matter what

Kwon: i was about to scream because i thought josh actually roasted cheol  
Kwon: but then-

Papa bear: JOSH WILL NEVER ROAST ME

Mama bear: hes typing in all caps to cover the fact hes crying

Jiwho: hes literally never done that before tho?  
Jiwho: he usually announces hes crying if anything

Mama bear: its a special day

Jiwho: speaking of...where is everybody  
Jiwho: theyre usually spamming the chat like theres no tomorrow

Papa bear: theyre probably all on dates or something

Jiwho: and you three arent?

Mama bear: none of us actually like this holiday that much  
Mama bear: actually its more like I dont enjoy this holiday  
Mama bear: josh and cheol just dont care about it  
Mama bear: so we stay in one of our dorms and chill

Jiwho: i see  
Jiwho: you guys arent doing anything romantic are you  
Jiwho: more than normal

Mama bear: i was about to say  
Mama bear: but no, why

Jiwho: im bored

Papa bear: why yes, jihoon, you sure can come over! No need to ask

Jiwho: i can taste the sarcasm from here

Baby bear: just get over here hoonie

Jiwho: alright alright

\---

Changyuraptor: help ive been dragged to a soonseok date i dont need to be here for this

\---

Jerry: rip chan  
Jerry: he died a loyal warrior

Changyuraptor: thanks, i guess i wont haunt you as a ghost

Jerry: Wow! How touching!

Octopus: arent those two still on a date?

Changyuraptor: yeah, but that doesnt mean i cant text  
Changyuraptor: or that i just snuck away from them and returned to the college

Octopus: nice

Changyuraptor: anyway….who is this jerry guy

Jerry: QJJDMMF

Octopus: its jun

Changyuraptor: oh…  
Changyuraptor: why

Octopus: its best not to ask

Mama bear: well your date was rather short, and seemingly unromantic?

Octopus: when are we ever, really

Mama bear: you mean when are /you/ ever

Octopus: u right

Jerry: when will you return my affections  
Jerry: a bitch is crying over here

Octopus: when i dont have to keep up my hip emo image

Jiwho: “hip emo image” what a cursed concept

Octopus: just like me

_Jiwho has left the chat_

_Jiwho has been added to the chat_

Jiwho: ugh

Jerry: baaabe i can be emo with you if you want

Octopus: no youll just end up being the dark and mysterious stranger  
Octopus: i dont need random ppl hitting on you more than they already do

Jerry: oh  
Jerry: well then ^u^

Octopus: ew what is that crusty emoji  
Octopus: i suddenly dont know a moon jerry

Papa bear: M O O N J E R R Y

Jerry: but i know a handsome, beautiful, amazing, talented, god named minghao

Octopus: i may have...regained my memory…….

Jiwho: this is witchcraft  
Jiwho: i never want to go through another valentines day again

Mama bear: same

\---

Mama bear: I WANT VALENTINES TO BE EVERYDAY

Jiwho: oh my god

Mama bear: IM CRYINFSNM

Kwon: heeeeey  
Kwon: what happened???

Mama bear: CHEOL GOT US A SET OF TEDDY BEARS  
Mama bear: _Sent image_  
Mama bear: I GOT A MAMA BEAR, CHEOL GOT A PAPA BEAR, AND JOSH GOT A BABY BEAR  
Mama bear: THIS IS TOO CUTE I

Kwon: well those are some good quality bears  
Kwon: are they snuggable

Mama bear: wait let me check  
Mama bear: YES

Kwon: ….

Seok :D : hmm

Kwon: ………

Seok :D : hmmmmmmmm

Kwon: ………………...

Seok :D : hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
Seok :D : it cant be a bear because thats for normies

Kwon: YEEEEEE

Seok :D : anything for you, my star <3

Jiwho: dig my grave please

Octopus: i was first in line  
Octopus: youre not special, sit down hunty

_Emo fish has changed their name to Fish_

Fish: might as well do it now before its snatched from my hands


End file.
